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Finding The Right Way Of Meditation By Means Of Attentiveness
If you're just starting to learn meditation, either in a guided meditation group or by yourself, you sit for five or ten minutes each sitting; try to sit every day at the same time, morning or evening, whatever suits you perfect. You let the daily five to ten minutes to increase to fifteen or twenty minutes when the weeks follow, but you never try and force the pace.
Meditation isn't about tightening the teeth in tenacity. It's about sitting peacefully with yourself, and though it involves its own kind of self control this has nothing to do with force than with yielding and letting go.
When the inevitable thoughts or feelings turn up, you let them to pass through and out of consciousness like clouds pass in water. You don't attempt to push them out, but leave them to move of their own accord. Irrespective of how 'important' the thinking seem to be or how desperate or worrying the sentiments, you don't hold on to them or enable one thought or emotion to start another and another until you are off on an inattentiveness path that takes you far away from the simple issue of the breathe in and breathe out.
If, however, you do lose control, gently but definitely return to your breathing the moment you realize this has cropped up. Avoid being intolerant with yourself or persuading yourself you'll never understand how to meditate. Your deviating mind is simply showing to you just how much you should train your meditation techniques. It is helping you, prompting you, showing you how little control you have over your own thoughts. The right response is gratitude, thankfulness towards that part of your mind that has recognized the fact that you are wool-gathering and that has reminded you to return to your point of focus.
I cannot overstate how important this attitude of gratitude is. If you trouble yourself each time you become aware you are distracted in thought, you will not only be awakening the unwelcome emotion of self-disgust, you will be conditioning your mind not to remind you when it is wandering in the future. You are in effect punishing it every time for reminding you, and surely it doesn't like being punished. So it will point out to you less and less often, and you will find focus becomes harder and harder. In response to the dissatisfaction that this brings, your mind will then start whispering convincingly to you that meditation is a total waste of time, and that you would be well suggested to find something better to do with your time.
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